From the beginning, our dance is rich with sensuality, warmth, skin, sweat, pushing limits, primal connection.
Our dance is long and limitless. It is both in the Sky and on the Earth. Even in the Earth and mud. We are like dragons in love - finding each other again. We close. I am feeling his hand on my belly - pulsing deeply - we hold hands and deepen our breath - letting go - yet savouring this magic.
It is rich. It is divine. It is so intense. My temptation is to become obsessed with this man - following him with my eyes - everywhere. I know where he is always in the room. This connection is exciting and frightening at once. We have made love and now our energies are forever merged. I celebrate his dance. His energy. His sensuality. His clown. His magic. His beauty. He has taken great care of his vessel. It shines like crystal.
So then what happens - I make up a story - my fire is so intense that I've frightened him. I believe now that I have scared him away or myself away. I have entered into a way of being that is so natural - yet so far away in expression. Truly a reclamation of my true sensual self.
I yearn to dance with this man again for this reminder, for this connection.
At performance time, I become aware that he is linked with another - very truly sexually linked. It is clear. I admit now to myself my disappointment. (Why must
I always be drawn to clearly unavailable men?)
I obsess, yet avoid. Obsess, yet avoid. I settle down on the edge of the stage - watching, pretending to be happy. Inside I am overwhelmed with disappointment and sorrow. I am on the verge of tears.
Do I stay or go? Climb the steps of the 'Oratoire' and cry my plea to the Moon? I am lonely here. I do want a partner with whom I can share my life. A partner or a triangle?
I stay and rest in the sadness, watching the dance, the celebration. He passes by and appears to avoid me, doesn't join with me. Once again - deep connection - then dropped like a hankie - forgotten.
Then I catch myself thinking the thought .
Heh, Sarah - how do you like this reality you are creating? Do you like the pain? Is this enjoyable?
SHIFT. Yes - pivot. New awareness. I decide to feel deeply the beautiful connection with this man.
PADOOM. He comes to me. Instant manifestation. He wheels around and approaches me. A new dance begins. It also is delightfully delicious. We are energetic, daring, sexy together. A new return to this magic. I am brave and share with Hugues how he and his conjoint, Nathalie, inspire me. Their energy together. This is a breaking point. He hears this, takes it in. I am another lover. An honouring one.
Sunday. We haven't yet danced this day. At lunch, in our long and luscious hug, we secretly promise a dance later; it is a clear must.
And we do. This time Hugues finds me. At times we search for the yesterday dance. He slips an elastic off my wrist and motions me to tie my hair back. He then tugs on this new pony-tail as if igniting me all over again. We grow to another level leaping and falling. It becomes rough and tumble and we love it.
Push and shove - aggressive - he bites my neck. I am ready to lick him. Kiss his back. He is fatigued and I cast a spell on him, dancing a fairy dance, sweeping new energy around him. Blowing kisses on his sweaty neck. We are so sexy together. I love this
exploration.
In our final resting place, he offers his Truth. He tells me of my big heart. He tells me that what we have danced is Truth, profound, very deep. So much is offered in his words, I can barely receive it. It is so loving and honouring. He says he is FULL, filled up so much by me and my joy, my being.
"Now, go," he says, "share your beauty with others. Leave me to rest."
Getting up to leave challenges me deeply. But I do.
Sarah Priestess
November, 2006
Montréal
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